June 9, 2007

In the rains... diary date June the 9th 2007

Ha... In the rains I stand today...in the cold I sit now.. Where did I start and where am I today... Gues anybody can say such things at any time and go on and on.

I would definitely have a billion concur with me when I say that rains make people so thoughtful and contemplative. I become one and right now - though cold, i am indeed thinking...

Thinking and writing of the so many years that have passed of my life and so much that has happened. But sitting now and lokking ahead, i know that time as unexpectedly as it is shall move ... march on relentlessly... perhaps the only entity that is stopped by none. I sit alone and enjoy the thought and think about it and see a silverfish... the ones that eat up your precious books... skim by....

I am right now, in Kotagiri, 2000 metres above the sea, 20 degrees below what most people are experiencing in most parts of India and in a building that has become a part of me.... I am here and I am satisfied... most of the times.... learning a lot.. thinking a lot... I see others and think for them though I bet, they would be doing the same for me now.

What am I doing here... having come on an alternate whim... staying here longer than most people spend their times in government jobs as well.... loving this place at all times.... cursing so many aspects at other times.... I feel like a danseuse in a harem.. loving and loathing under the same roof....

But why do I stay here... one because the loving overshadows the loathing by several degrees and the loathing is not made up of hatred but essentially my inability to work around these condition, besides others.

I bet a lot of people feel the same and though I considered myself to be superhuman sometimes, I do understand that in an attempt to go around the loathing, I am bound to be affected by it ... isnt it